Serenity Prayer [Adapted]

...Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, this world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that time will make all things right
if I surrender, but stay true

That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy
Forever

A letter that is written but never sends

Sometimes
The people that are closest
don't seem close at all

feel like they're watching
waiting for me to fall
they don't understand
that sometimes I don't make the call

25 years
but it seems like a century
a story that never ends
a path that never bends
a fence that never mends

a letter that is written but never sends
is like a life that never begins and never ends

but all men must die
we'll pretend we're not scared

we quickly find our pair
while I'm listening to the snare

off the beat
while I off the beat
stomp my feet

you think I'm messing up
but I swear that is how it is
supposed to go

listening to the sound
listening to the flow

I play until I get lost
I play until I get lost in the music
I play until I get lost in the flow
I play until I get lost in the moment

until the guitar riff would make a sane man sick

I can't stop listening
I can't stop playing

it's late
in the song now

I doubt anybody made it up to here
Nobody is really listening to what I'm saying

What I'm spraying
as notes, and chords
dischords
chirping out of me

It's an enigma my enemy

you're mystery is a friend of me

you're barely somebody that I used to know

and I know love hurts

cliche after cliche
clash after clash
dash after dash
pass after a pass

it's a mess I must confess
but I digress
it's all just a test to figure out the best
separate from the rest

sometimes
the people that are closest
know you better than you
sometimes
the people you never meet
know you best

Einstein Quote

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”  -Albert Einstein

Source

Run Until It Rains

I'm going to run until it rains
You can dance until it gets dark

I'll be here for you now
One day you'll grow old
One day you can grow old with me

We used to play hide and seek in the dark
but now we swim until there's lightning

I'm going to run until it rains
You can dance until it gets dark

As we grow old I want to get younger everyday
I'm here for now
You can grow old with me

Growing taller everyday
Sometimes I like it
Sometimes I don't

Be careful of the trees
It is about to rain

I'm going to run until it rains out
You can dance until it gets dark

I'll be at the park
But I'm going to be honest
it's getting dark
winter is far away
but the darkness controls the mind

I watch people racing to red lights
just to get ahead

Sometimes I feel like there's a stranger in my head
Sometimes I feel like I'm stranger than all my friends

One day I'm gonna wake up

I'm not going to be able to run until it rains
so I race to red lights
chasing around these red and blue balloons

This rift
between my expectations and my reality
the long division leads me to believe
that leaks and losses and too much lobbying

confusion
osmosis diffusion

I just want to run until rains
Watch the water go down the drains
keep running through the aches and pains

Dance until it get dark out

watch the sun rise
and the stars collide
but still get a full night sleep
insomnia's dilemma

watch the water and the moon
live life on life's terms
life's dilemmas
life's grooves,
life's nooks,
life's crannies

Sometimes I like it
Sometimes I don't

But somedays I like to run until it's rained out
Dance until the sun comes up
Gaze beyond the first three stars

Grow old but get younger everyday

Face my fears
My fears I face

Close my eyes so I can walk in the dark
Obliviously living Oblivious in an Oblivion

Blur of life
Bluff of the past
Fluff of the Future
How quick
How fast did the day go
Where did the meter go

Playing outside
Playing in a play that I was never after
All I wanted was the love, family, friends and laughter

One day I thought I could never amount to anything
I was stuck inside the past
a past me
a past her
an idea

The idea of you is clearly fading away in figments
Leaks, Unasked questions

Confusion, Contusion, Twisting and Contorting my thoughts
Isolines in the sand, isolines in my mind
isolating all these isolating incidents that happen in a spectrum
and specieating species of new ideas and concepts
specializing in speculating on speculative and sporadically changing suspicions of superiority
but inferiority drives us

we want to be rebels
so we race until it rains
dance until its dark
fight in the forest
figure shit out after its done
set it up
knock it down

cleaning up garbage
cause you don't want to leave a mess
When I start to stress, I digress
but never regress
Cause the grass is too green
and I can look up high in the sky

and see the red and blue balloons
Floating
I wonder if the lightning will strike
I see all these people running in the rain
Barefoot

Banging around in the thunder
I wonder

I wonder
I'm just gonna run until it rains
and go inside when it thunders
I just want to escape
I do not care about the blunders

These blinders are blocking me
from the red and blue balloons
splashing down as the rain hits my pillow

But I think of a weeping willow
and I wonder if we can withstand
years of yelling and blatant manipulation

can we withstand it all
can we turn a blind eye on a brother
on a friend, on a cousin, on a lover?
a blind eye to those that do us wrong

can we make ourselves believe that what they are doing is right
but I just want to go left

and two wrongs don't make a right
but three lefts do

Sometimes i wake up and I don't want to put on a shoe
I don't want to lift a finger
I feel like I'll just hinder
so I linger

bur I just go left foot, right foot
set my feet, get up
and go

I'm living in Heaven
but so many people think this is hell
and I think you're an angel
leading me

through hell

It's the dark side that we all can abide by
It's the light that scares us the most
our eyes can't adjust
so we we wear sunglasses to protect us from the waves
we were sun tan lotion to protect us from the waves
we stand still
we stand strong
to protect us from the waves

But look at me I'm just following these red and blue balloons in the sky
I'm gonna go to the beach, I'm gonna go to the park
and I'm going to run until it rains.
So I can dance until it gets dark out
Keep on running until the sun comes up

Some of My Favorite Maya Angelou Quotes

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."

“No matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.”

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

"While I know myself as a creation of God, I am also obligated to realize and remember that everyone else and everything else are also God's creation."

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."

"You can't forgive without loving. And I don't mean sentimentality. I don't mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, 'I forgive. I'm finished with it.'"

"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean."

"It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength."

"You are the sum total of everything you've ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it's all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive."

“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently.”

“I've learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as ‘making a life'.”

“Most people don't grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging.”

“I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.”

"Nothing can dim the light which shines from within."

"While one may encounter many defeats, one must not be defeated."

"My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return."

“I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that's rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach.”

Paperback Writer - Beatles

Feast of Freedom

The Feast of Freedom

What does this mean?
Why on this night do we eat?

What is this all about?
Why on this night do we eat?

What are the laws that govern us?
How different is this night from all other nights?

We were...
They dealt harshly with us and oppressed us

They paid back in evil the kindness

We cried out
Does anyone know of our suffering?

But at ease my soul
Promise sustains us
Hear our plea in every generation

What will save us from their hands?
With a mighty hand and an outstretched arm?

With signs and wonders?
I am not a messenger.
With the awesome power?
Of divine?
Of divine revelation

Pass over our dwellings and redeem us
In every generation.

You shall tell your children on that day.
It is because of what they did for me.

From slaverly to freedom
From freedom to exile
From darkness to light
From light to darkness
From enslavement to redemption?

Next year may we celebrate
Next year
If it still stands there
Built again?

Rebuilt.

Burn by Ellie Goulding + Lana Del Rey + Biggie - EDITED VIDEOS

Eye of the Tiger

"Eye of the tiger
Thrill of the fight
Rising up to the challenge of our rivals
Last Known Survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
and he's watching us all
with the eye of the tiger"

I've got the Eye of the tiger
I love the thrill of the fight
I rise up to the challenge of my rivals
I'm not the last known survivor
and I won't stay up all night
unless i have to
but I'll watch you until
you fall, weak in the knees

cause
I've got the eye of the tiger
they could call me Rocky now
just not ASAP and definitely
not like the pebbles,
but more like a rolling rock in the wind
i don't quit till i win

eye of the tiger
i love the thrill of the fight
and i might not stop until you are out of of my sight

face to face, out in the heat
hanging tough, staying hungry
they stack the odds till we take to the street
for we will
with the skill to survive

may the odds be ever in your favor

i don't always float like a butterfly
i don't always sting like a bee

but i know the shit in the world that i've been through
cause
I see

face to face, rarely does a man come face to face with me
i look them in the eyes and they quickly look away
they don't want to take their chances.

crazy eyes
crazy legs
rolling eyes, disguise, realize

but when they do
i don't fight with fists like i used to
i fight with words like an emcee, an artist, a poet

a painter
a blank canvas everyday

they tried to shut me down
shut me up

but i can't quit
stay up all night
listening to the same beat
patiently waiting for a track to explode on
cause i can't quit
until my shit is legit
got all these people around me acting as if

as if what?

and you think i care if you are
rising up
back on the street
I did my time, I took my chances
I went the distance and I'm back on my feet
but I'm just a man with his will to survive

cause im a survivor
child of destiny

as long as i know how to love
i know i'll stay alive
gloria gaynor

used to the run the rocky steps,
it was a daily routine since 18, chubby white boy on the scene

So many times, it happens,
too fast
but you trade your passion for glory
don't lose grip on the dreams of the past
you must fight just to keep them alive

cause I've got the eye of the tiger
i love the thrill of the fight
sometimes for the principles
sometimes to prove my might
i used to fight to prove i was right
sometimes for the money
sometimes for the pride
but mostly just to put my dukes up and fight
but im not a blue devil
im a quaker

now i fight to stay alive
now i fight to keep my life
some say survival of the fittest
but really its the survival of the wittiest
survival of the renaissance man
blood sweat and tears
you did not create me,
how could you doubt me?
xzibits never gonna say my name
but pride is the sign of a foolish man

it's a pity how people can judge you a in city
judge you in a jiffy
quick as a minute
lickety split, before they lick their lips
im outta here like kenny the jet smith
jason terry, the way i jet when i gotta
cause its fight or flight
and im willing to do both

been sucker punched so many times
my jaw hurts
so i wear sunglasses cause at least they'll hurt their hand more
while people are running their mouths
they don't know that fifty would break their face
cause all these people are living in glass houses
and still throwing stones

filled with the innocuous, but here in America it's in God we trust
but some days it feels like this city is
filled with the shitty
and they see you in the middle of little Italy
with two girls by your side
and some guy speaks some language that they don't think you understand

big pun said, "dead in the middle of little Italy little dide we know that we riddle some middlemen who didn't do diddly"

but ive been in the middle of Roma, i can't call it my home-a, but i've read homer and i love watching the simposons, doh

and i know on the ides of march julius caesar was stabbed in the back
et tu brute?

some people think they can do it with brute force

for some people it's a decision
some people will listen to this and think im trying to incite violence
some people will listen to this and think im trying to incite silence
but nobody is really listening
they just identify, deny and move on

i just want people to live, to be,
i just want people to be free to live however they wanna be

i might not understand the words that you say
i might understand the words that are coming out of my mouth

but i know how you said it
but i don't know how I said it
i don't know how you are going to misinterpret, misconstrue, misconceive every notion
like a potion
and all we do is substitute
and pick out magic potion, our poison that gives us some fix
our substituion of poisions that when we put it in the mix
whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger
but why is it that evertyhing that kills me makes me feel alive?
maybe its the adrenaline rush
as i live my life i can think that i crush it
or i can by a crusher and crush it
but take your time don't rush it
it's the foreplay, the expectations, the inciting invitation

and you're lucky there are ladies in my company
because you'll regret what you said
no not the end of your life
maybe not in this lifetime
and maybe not in the next

but i love it when people push their baby carriages into the middle of the street
did they ever think that maybe if they were walking on that street
the car could easily run over their feet
but nah we're busy looking down
looking around, looking up looking left looking right, but we're never really seeing

we're never really seeeing all we can
be all that you can be
in the army
there's no i in army but there is a me
and we all do what we can to get by
we all do what we can to be

to be or not to be
there's no question, macbeth
there's no self-harm, but there is self pity
and it's shitty how pitiful we can make it be
when we dig ourselves in a hole and we refuse to stop digging

it's like we're digging our own ditch
with a hitch, not a match maker
it's a sinch, if you clear your mind
you can clear your conscience
and it's a science how some people can con you
but it's a science how some people can trust you
and it's applied mathematics how emphatic i am
on each syllable, on each syllabus of knowledge that i possess

i don't spit for the fame
i don't spit for the forture
i don't spit because i went to college
i spit because i feel like spitting
i feel like sptting some little iota of knowledge
cause maybe one person can relate
and they can say shit
maybe this person undertands
and i hope i do
but i can't walk a mile in your shoes
im stuck in these mocassins
these rockasins, these raisins in the sun

sitting here all spring
festering like an open wound?

what happens to a dream deferred?
i always ask langston hughes
and he's always got the same answer
it either impolode or it can explode

i'm not gonna put you to sleep
you're busy rolling in the deep
but for today

i'm just gonna sing you a lullaby
line by line
sign by sign
everyday of your life
rhyme by rhyme

you'll be remembering something
maybe something more than the dreams of our fathers

probably not the words that i said
cause sometimes i have the tendency
to spit it too fast
so i slow it down for you
so you can understand the words coming out of my mouth

right now i'm a fountain of youth
but one day this'll all be gone
looks fade
years pass

but i won't stop rising to the challenge of my rival
i'll have a  cane and i'll still be ranting and raving
speaking softer than now but carrying a bigger stick like Roosevelt
from the FDR drive to Rodeo drive
from the great wall of china to the old Berlin wall
I wanna see the world
I wanna see it all

rambling about Einstein, and this paradigm
shordinger's cat,
more like dr. seuss's cat in a hat

and thought experiment that can change your life
Wittgenstein and his wittiness and his willingness not to give a shit
about all the metaphysical bull shit
his willingness to try to explain the power of words by showing they were meaningless

if i know one thing, i know nothing
said Socrates

but i'm busy just staring at a cave
call me a circle, a square or a triangle
you can mold me into infinite
i'm like play do
but no not Plato
im just a Platonic form

im sick of all you ass kissers
wishing you could kiss someones ass
when you know what they really want you to do

im sick of all the brown nosers
but i remember when someone explained to me
what that meant
man his ego was soo large
i don't know how it fit in the room
his head was so big it was like a damn balloon
it was funny when i saw it pop 10 years later
the shit eating smirk on his face evaporated like water on a hot rock
or a drop of water on a sizzling car engine.

and he asked me a silly question
he asked a 12 year old a question
and he called us names
names that you should of lost tenure for
you piece of royal shit
it's legit
that i won't stop spitting
until i quit
and i got a long way before i retire
and nobody can fire me from this job

i can put you in fits
with the way that i can assassinate the alphabet

people come up to me and tell me they're a lyrical assassin
while they are busy passing
passing me the mic
passing me the beat
passing me the l
to hell with that

passing up on the words that they are thinking but unable to say

but im a renegade, never been afraid to say whats on my mind at any given time a day, but ill never be jay and ill never be eminem, ill never be easy e, ill never be andre from outkast, but i dont wanna be

i just wanna be
but i got restraint,
cause sometimes you gotta pick your spots,
pick your shots, sitting their waiting in silence
biggie says dont you know bad boys act in silence and violence

but im more like a monk
but i talk too much
but i try to
act in silence in peace
thats all i really want
but i just got so much on my mind

if you are a lyrical assassin, then when it's your turn you're not passing
ive busy giving up food, im fasting
so when i wanna speak
i speak with purpose
a reason
i found a reason for me
to change who i used to be
but im not hoobastank

because when i start stuttering
that's when i really get muttering
pass the ketchup and mustard
cause i could start making this fancy
just put on a different beat
make it a trance beat, dub step, one step, two step
mamba number 5, tango
i'll dance to whatever
but everybody knows it takes two to tango

or ask the DJ to throw on
on an old song, so when the dj throws it on
and we can leave here tonight
and wake up
and i hope hopefully she's got some teeth
obie
obie trice
obie won canobi
the force is strong with this one

to be or not to be

i'm a gamling man, im a rambling man
spit these words straight off my head
feed my ego
through my fingers onto a computer screen
but i really just want to scream

but this is an outlet for me to get rid of
the demons inside

the eye of the tiger
the lion that fights inside of me
the spirit within
the feeling i get when you don't stop fighting even after you win

but Eminem says theres a certain feeling you get when you're real and you spit and people are feeling your shit
but that feeling won't arise for me
because i can't quit, my mind still rolls on
like a rolling thunder chasing the wind / live

like i've got some kind of eye of the tiger
i love the thrill of the fight
i rise up to the challenge of my rivals

and i'm not the last known survivor
because i can't find a tone
a consistent flow
and nobody is every going to throw a white boy a bone
cause i tell stories, i spit shit, i spit nonsensical nonsense
irrational thoughts that are so irrational

and i wont stalk you at night
but big brother is always watching you
he's watching us all, 1984

with the eye of the tiger

it's the thrill of the fight
and then then the mix up man throw on the next

next song
"Stop the Violence" by Boogie Down Productions.

Biggie vs. Born To Die by Lana Del Rey

Elegant Universe by Brian Greene

Preface to The Second Edition, Elegant Universe, Brian Greene

"...A book about the challenges and triumphs of the modern question for the deepest laws of nature is not something you imagine breezing through at the beach, or curling up with just before going to sleep. And a book that takes on such an abstract subjection with the intention of emphasizing the science, not the scientific personalities or historical anecdotes, might seem to cater to an even smaller audience. But this didn't particularly trouble me, as I told myself frequently (and, no doubt, with a tinge of melodrama) that if I reached one person, introducing them to a new spectrum of ideas, a new way of thinking about themselves and their place in the cosmos, that would be enough."

Dear FB

Dear Facebook NY, i know that me posting this helps you somehow, but how many times are you gonna ask me if i wanna take any advertisements? did you ever really just want users? or the whole time were you thinking in the back of your head, HOW AM I GOING TO MONETIZE this? I wonder if Mark Zuckerberg would ever respond to me or if he is just busy trying to think of witty responses for Nobel Peace Prize Winner Barack Obama

I do see how running a startup company success out of Harvard University like Facebook and acquiring companies like Oculus and bidding for Whatsapp and Waze can give you power- I'm sure Zuckerberg has a great handle on what it would be like to run one of the greatest Empires in the world and he should definitely not reserve comment when it comes to matters of International Safety and Security . Every time I write the word safety, Facebook Design keeps on popping up. It's funny how I'm sure there are organizations much worse than the NSA that are using Facebook's perfectly secure server with malintent.

So just be careful Mr. Zuckerberg, because you think Facebook has such a great handle on the world, but if the US Government and Chinese governemnt REALLY wanted to they would shut you down tomorrow. So next time you pull a PR stunt, please don't mention my president. Thanks!

"I used to..."

I used to,

I used to like facebook when there weren't ads,
I used to like youtube when there weren't ads,
I used to like google when there weren't ads,
I used to like radio when there weren't ads,
I used to like tv when there weren't ads,
I used to like movies when there weren't commercials,

I used to like education when there wasn't advertisements (buy my textbook, go on this website, get this scholarship, take out this loan)

I used to fully believe in capitalism when there were meaningful advertisements, I used to like almost everything when there was not advertisements getting in the way, but when you realize that your surroundings are creating a 30 second to 2 minute attention span, that's when I realized that "I used to" isn't gonna cut it, and I'd rather say its gonna be, not it's gotta be just yet, but its gonna be...

How far can laizzez-faire take us? Are we just getting lazy because we want the world to be fair?

But to lose the meaning underlying capitalism is where this -ism just like any other -ism becomes dangerous. All -isms can be dangerous. All memes can be dangerous.

Remember this -ism's underlying message is individuality and competition not who can make the most money. Money is a means to an end not an ends to a mean.

Are we walking advertisements or are we human beings that have thoughts and feelings? Are we emotionless, stoics or are we painters, artists and poets?

"Money isn't all you need, but it helps" - says the laughing upper middle class. But if you are never happy with the amount that you have, when will you ever really reach your pursuit of happiness? Why aren't life and liberty enough?

Is the company doing xyz because they want you as a user or because they want you as an advertisement? Are they trying to change the world for the better or are they trying to do whatever they can to get money to put food on the table? Or are they trying to make just enough money to buy the new Mercedez, BMW, Rolls Royce, Maserati, or Bugatti? Does it matter? What are we actually talking about?

Would it really be that great if you woke up in a new Bugatti or any other brand spanking new car? Would it even matter? Would you take a selfie and send it on snapchat to all your friends and then post it to fb and twitter and instagram? But then what? Let me take another selfie?

If you are searching for money you can find it, you just have to keep working hard. Work hard for the money or continue trading your pride for bribes.

If you are trying to change the world, then what?

"If you wanna change the world, first you have to change yourself?" Well what if you don't see many around you changing?

Do you just keep on living surrounded by businessmen, liars, cheats. financial advisors, delusional entrepreneurs, judgmental lawyers, loony judges, biased scientists, blind optimists, pessimists?

But then you realize, what's the big deal?

You can't take life too seriously, you don't get out alive.


So you live a full life, you either work for the man or you are the man. You either work for yourself or you perpetuate the plan? I doubt it. Just keep on going... until I'm 120...

Life is what you make of it. So live in the infinite or live in the ephemeral, it doesn't matter, as long as you're living.. one day at a time, one moment at time, one second.

Live life on life's terms...
Play the game by the rules, but if you have to break them know that you have to deal with the consequences of your actions.

One Day

One Day I'm gonna wake up and think

Am I gonna make it?

One Day I'm gonna wake up and think

Am I gonna fake it?

One Day I'm gonna wake up and think

of you putting on your makeup

One Day I'm gonna wake up and think

They say I'm jaded

They say i'm faded

they say I'm elated

I say you're belated

One Day I'm gonna wake up and think

of you putting on your makeup

One Day I'm gonna wake up and think

of you

Changing Through Space Time

Living my life one day at at ime

Changing Through Space and Time

Line after Line

Sign after Sign

it doesn't even matter the words I say

One Day I'm gonna wake up and think

of you putting on your makeup

One Day I'm gonna wake up and think

that I'm gonna make it

One Day I'm gonna wake up and think

I'm not gonna fake it

One Day

One Day

One Day

I'm gonna make it

Changing Through Space and TIme

I think of you

When you're on my mind

Line after Line

Sign after Sign

One Day I'm gonna wake up and think

One Day I'm gonna wake up

[Whistle Interlude]
// gonna be electric guitar SOOOOON (one day)

One Day I'm gonna wake up and think

that I'm gonna make it

One Day
I'm gonna wake up and think of you putting on your make up

One Day
I'm gonna think of me

One day I'm gonna think of her

putting on her makeup

Will the idea of you disappear

it isn't clear

they say have no fear

One day I'm gonna wake up and think

One Day i'm gonna wake up

[Musical Interlude #2]

One Day I'm gonna wake up and think

One day I'm gonna wake up and think of you putting on your makeup

One Day I'm gonna wake up and think

Sticks and Stones May Break my Bones but Words Will Never Hurt Me

Sticks and Stones May Break my Bones but Words Will Never Hurt Me

I've never heard such a crock of shit
Sticks and stones have broken my bones, torn my ligaments, ripped my arms our of their socket, ripped my hamstring off the bone.

Next time a police officer is cuffing you tell them Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt you and they will sit you in a room until words hurt and "you realize the consequences of your actions"

The only thing that holds power are words. Read the 5th amendment.

It is the power of words that I have come to realize that some days spoken words aren't necessary.
Because if someone asks you something and you say, "I don't know" they can't judge you. and you know how much people love to judge you so they can roll their eyes when you're not looking, or they can wink at some girl to make themselves look cool.

If you play dumb then you can be the possum that people beat up.

But if you realize that words are the only thing that matter in this life... then you gain power. But that doesn't mean to have diarhea of the mouth. It means to use your words wisely.

And in our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, we just don't know that we are seeking power because we have all been powerless. Life is all relative - just think about the theory of relativity. We have all been "enslaved" at one point to our problems, enslaved to our addictions or whatever you want to call it in your conceptual reality. Your conceptual reality is something that I can't infect unless you are really impressionable.

I've been called every single name in the book A through Z I could name a word or 5 that is offensive that I have been called. "Quick" stream of consciousness. Please take these words in jest, but I have been called all of them in one way or another... hopefully most of them were in jest, but at least 50% of jokes are trues (and at least 65% of statistics are made up)

Asshole, Awkward, albino, adabisi
Bitch, Baby, Buddhist, Backhanded, backwards, bum, biased, black, blue, blackout, belligerent
Cunt, Corny, Cry-Baby, Casper, Coach, Conscious Asshole
Derelict, Degenerate, Dick, Different, Dreamer, Disheveled, duroq, dead, deadhead, dos equis guy,
Existential Asshole, emaciated, envious, eggshell white, entitled
Fucking Asshole, Fagot, Flaming, freak, fat
Gooch, Ganjababe, Ganjadaddy, Gay, germaphobe, grain of salt, generalizer
Half-hearted asshole, handsomely moronic, hypocrite, hypocritical, hypercritical, hyper
Inconsiderate, inquisitive asshole, inconsequential, impressionable, ignorant, idealistically idiotic
Jerk, joker, jestful asshole, jester, jealous, jesus shuttlesworth
Kyke, Kyle from South Park
Lolligagging whore, loser
Mean, mean-hearted, moron, mench
Not completely there, negative nancy and many other n words
Open headed Asshole, Optimistic piece of shit, oxymoron, oxymoronic,
Pussy, Pansy, phobic
Questionable
Rambling Idiot, Radical, Rationalizer
Stupid Idiot (one of my favorites), skinny, selfish, stereotypical, sinner, sensitive, square
Tampon, Tweety, Taint, Twitter lover, Thesis lover, theorizing theologian, theological illogical moron
Uranus, Undeniable, Unstable, Ungrateful, Unconscious asshole
Very Stupid, Voluptuous, Venomous, Vehicular
Weird, Whole-hearted asshole, Whore, White, Worthless, Whitey Ford, Won't shut upper
Xistential asshole (X isn't easy!)
Zebra-ass mother fucker

Words only matter if you make them matter, but that doesn't mean they don't hurt. But the funny thing is whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger and cliched quotes suck.. or do they?

One of the only things that is TRULY dangerous in this world are dangerous MEMES. Memes are packets of information. For example, Islam means Surrender. Surrendering doesn't sound that bad to me. Jihad means struggle, struggle doesn't seem that bad to me. But it is how you apply the ideas, how you take your experience and you twist it to affect or infect other people. If you can find some sort of middle ground, some shades of grey, you're fine, but if you are extreme then you will be labeled as a radical. And for some reason everybody is afraid of being classified, labeled and identified, even though the only natural tendency that we have as humans is to stereotype

As humans, we think we are greater than evolution and we have created our own humancentric, anthropomorphic view of evolution. We think we are greater than some cancer growing on the planet. We think we are something greater than billions of years of evolution, we are NOT the ultimate, we're not even the penultimate, we are just products of evolution and lucky to be alive.

According to Diamond, there are two other animals that are on every continent other than humans - Rats and Pigeons. So we are in really great company. Imagine if the animals judged us like other animals. How would that make you feel?

So enjoy twisting and misconstruing these words because I wouldn't expect anything different.... (ellipsis)

Health, Family, Love... and nothing else matters... "so close, no matter how far."

Pi Day Update to Letter

3.14 Update

To The Penn Community and The World In General:

It is never easy when someone you know passes away. It is extremely difficult and beyond my comprehension when a young woman with her whole life ahead of her commits suicide. I wrote this letter initially in the wake of Madison Holleran's tragic death but this letter is not about Madison and all the amazing things she accomplished, this letter is for the Penn Community and for all the students who have ever struggled with any type of mental health issues.

You know it is weird because people die everyday, and when you respond people tend to say just focus on yourself, make yourself a better person. Maybe, we have to stop focusing on ourselves and maybe we have to recognize that there is a major problem. It is unfortunate that we are busy blaming the victims when we are not looking at the institutions. For example, the mental institutions and hospitals that are incapable of helping people with so called "mental illness." Or, the psychiatrists and doctors that believe that prescribing a pill will make things better. Or, the Universities that are "putting EDUCATION FIRST." Putting Education before Health is not part of any sustainable system in the 21st century.

I learned the hard way that Universities and Institutions do not care about student's feelings they just care about keeping their jobs and following protocol. One simple multicultural psychology class would help them, one simple ethics class would help them. One simple sensitivity training would help them.

Depression is a very real disease that manifests itself differently in each individual. However, psychiatrists recommend the same protocol for nearly every person with their first bout of depression.

Regardless of prior health problems, the psychiatrist has a strong tendency to recommend taking medicine and more often than not they prescribe a "Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitor" or SSRI. I am not writing this to tell you to stop taking your SSRI - by all means if it helps you continue to do what you have to do.

There is a known link between SSRI-prescriptions and suicidal behaviors. So sadly, it's the pill that doctors prescribe that may lead to the eventual suicide. Unfortunately, the patient believes they are seeking help and the psychiatrist prescribes an SSRI. One of the most commonly prescribed medicines for depression for adolescents and college-aged students is Zoloft. When I was 19 and depressed due to the pressures of University of Pennsylvania, I was prescribed Zoloft.

The scariest part about seeking help is that the doctor has a bias to recommend medicine, specifically a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) and if asked the doctor is unable to explain to the patient how the drug works because modern science does not explain how SSRIs work exactly, because we do not fully comprehend how or where consciousness/intelligence physically takes place.

Even with future research in the cutting edge fields of neuroscience, nanotechnology, and even bio-nanotechnology, I highly doubt we will ever be able to explain how SSRIs and other medicine for depression actually influence the individual's brain. The reasons for this are beyond the scope of this letter, but simply enough life happens in the moment and current technology is not dynamic enough to comprehend the nuances of the brain as a system.

The student in seek of any type of help takes the pill and then they wonder why their feelings get worse and sadly, the doctors are unable to explain and some people act on their feelings and end up committing suicide.

The saddest part of suicide is that nearly every single person that survives a suicide attempt regrets trying. The amount of devastation that suicide can inflict on a community and a family can not be quantified. That is why facts and statistics are of little importance when it comes to the value of an individual's life.

Let's stop pretending like the problems do not exist.
Let's stop trying to put band-aids on bullet wounds.
Let's recognize that there is a major problem, and it is how institutions such as UPENN treat the so-called "mentally ill."

How many deaths does it take to realize that there is something wrong with the system not the individual? I know that millions of people die every year, countless people die everyday, but how many great people need to die for us to recognize that there is a problem?

Four undergrad students at UPENN have died since winter break. At least two of those are due to suicide and this is not the first UPenn undergrad to commit suicide. When I was in school one of the best players on the football team, Owen Thomas committed suicide. Now, Elvis Hatcher another student at UPenn marks three talented, highly influential people that are no longer with us. Three of America's future leaders are no longer physically on this earth to make a difference.--When are we going to realize that we have to put HEALTH before the student body's EDUCATION? People are supposed to live to be the change they wish to see in the world, not die as martyrs.

Let's stand up NOW and try to make a change, let's recognize that there is a problem, awareness is the first step and ACTION is the second step.

At this point in time, we are more than AWARE that there are problems on college campuses, specifically Ivy League campuses and top-ranked Universities, specifically Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Cornell and University of Pennsylvania. With all of these problems, it makes it difficult to hurrah for the red and the blue. It makes it very difficult for me to proudly say that I am a Penn graduate.

One of the most upsetting things in this world is recognizing that there is a problem and doing nothing to stop it. The next time I walk into the Palaestra, do I have to wonder if any Penn Quakers are so depressed that they are contemplating ending their lives?

Let's take ACTION and work on what we can do to prevent the next suicide.It is too bad UPENN ADMINISTRATORS and faculty are unable to recognize that there is an issue and are unable to affect change on any measurable scale.

It is too bad Penn Administrators are unable to recognize that 18-25 year olds are left with major mental health problems that old school injections, pills, anti-depressants and tranquilizers are not going to fix.

No amount of money, or part of the budget is going to fix the problem.

We need the right people in the right places at the right time. We need people who care, people who truly care. We need health care professionals that have some idea of the pressures of achieving at the University level. We need the entire staff to understand that mental health is not something to be stigmatized, and stereotyped. We need the right type of nurses and social workers. We need the right type of health care professionals - unbiased and non-judgmental.

Depression is a real illness and those with depression need real help from people who understand mental health and mood disorders. The most important thing when you are depressed is to establish a trustworthy support system. This support system must be in place to make sure that the person struggling with their mental health recognizes the importance of their life and the impact that they have on the world.

We have to focus on the positives and not the negatives, we have to stop judging and we have to start HELPING, lend a hand. Smile, Pay it forward. It is ironic that POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY was developed at University of Pennsylvania. The only therapist at UPenn that ever helped me introduced me to ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) and by the time she actually helped me she had to move on to help other people in other parts of the world.

Pills have their places in the health care system. But when it comes to mental health, pills are not a full fix and old school injections are just temporary solutions. Pills and injections are a temporary solution for a serious problem. Similar to suicide being a permanent solution to temporary problems. Suicide is never the answer. No one should ever self-harm or self-mutilate. We have to realize that pills are only part of the solution; the treatment plan must entail more than just medicine.

Talk therapy as well as the proper facilities and proper people must be in place to properly combat depression and other mood disorders. Special people do special things at special times. We need special people to be there to help you when your mental hygiene is lacking. Physically, people can be in the right place, but qualified people trained properly is what is necessary.

Let's make a change, let's start today, let's stop blaming the victim and let's realize that CHANGE IS POSSIBLE.

Let's wake up, and recognize that suicidal ideations are a part of life and let's stop living in DENIAL and let's take action today.

Let's work on prevention, let's work on SAVING PEOPLE'S LIVES as opposed to perpetuating the same old plan, keeping the same bureaucracy in place, that follows the same protocol that we've been using since the revolution or since the 1800s or since world war II or since the DSM-II.

Let's start making some REAL changes. This is the 21st century and nearly every single person in America has faced symptoms of depression.

Maybe we have to live rationally and not by the University Rule Book.
Maybe we have to start living morally and living truthfully.
Living for the people, living for yourself, but living for every single individual on the planet.
Our time is short and as much as we like to think that time is eternal, our lives are ephemeral.

Let's wake up, let's start making some changes today. Let's recognize that the future, the smartest individual in the country tomorrow is some kid struggling on a college campus right now. Some kid that is contemplating whether or not his life is worth living is going to change the world one day... because "kids these days" some of them are busy using drugs and getting drunk, but most of them are wishing for a better tomorrow.

Some of the "kids these days" just have a little bout of depression but do not know how to ask for help. Instead of seeking help some people with mood disorders self-medicate with prescription and illicit drugs. So I plead for UPenn Administrators to stop categorizing us as one individual because we do not categorize you as "old and washed up."

Many people with depression do not like being classified at all so imagine being depressed and being classified as "mentally ill" or "crazy." You know the feeling you get when you are very calm and someone tells you to calm down. Well imagine feeling totally sane and a room of people telling you - you are mentally ill and acting crazy.

Then again, maybe we are crazy. Maybe it is crazy to think people can actually care about someone else. Maybe it is too idealistic.

Many of us are just hoping for a better tomorrow and many of us are busy trying to SAVE THE WORLD, ONE LIFE AT A TIME.

Let's do what we can NOW to stop the next student from committing suicide tomorrow or later today.

We all know that we have to stop problems upstream, so let's work on rational intervention and prevention.

Let's make a plan.

Step One - Let's recognize that Health and more specifically mental health is the most important aspect of a student's life and education.

For all the staff that are not capable of understanding the importance of mental health they should take sensitivity training or be replaced.

For now let's just work on step one. For today let's change our mindsets.

Let's place Health before Education. Let's start changing the way we think so we can change the way we act so we can work towards saving someone's life.

Let's stop blaming the victim and let's start creating rational plans for prevention.

Let's start right now. Recognize that Health is more important than education because if the student is not healthy then they are not able to learn.

At least for a moment, let's shift our focus from Education to Mental Health. Maybe we need longer than 4 moments of silence for the the four students that died. Maybe for the rest of the semester let's shift our focus from Education to Health. Maybe for the rest of our education let's understand that if our mental health is not intact then students will not be mentally prepared to learn.

Let's learn to put health first. Let's learn together as one community made up of many individuals. Let's recognize that some of the individuals who make up this community are suffering from mental health issues.

Let's remember that a team is only as strong as it's weakest link; so, let's drop our egos and let's live for a better tomorrow, let's make this the last student to commit suicide due to the pressures of being a high achiever and perfectionist at University of Pennsylvania.

Let's learn to change as individuals, but let's do it together as one strong Penn Community. Let's proudly say Hurrah for the Red and Blue! Let's evolve. Let's change. Let's adapt with the times.

Let's allow recent alumni to proudly say they are Penn graduates as many great individuals have said in the past. Let's learn from the past so we can take steps towards a more understanding and brighter future.

When I was a student at Penn, one semester we lived by the motto "Do Well by Doing Good." Let's try to ignore all the nonsense and let's focus. Work Hard, Play Harder can get you pretty far in life but Doing Well by Doing Good can save the world.

One cliched quote can save the world so don't be afraid to be the same, don't be afraid to be different, just be afraid to be afraid. Live life on life's terms.. One Day at a Time.

Happy Pi Day!

PENN ALUM
SEAS 2012

Sing Songy

Sing Songy
but i'm an aspiring artist
questioning the world and why i exist
living my life trying not to get pissed

living in the dumpster but trying not to get shit on
like a pile on
or get peed on like a peon

but we're more like pigeons
pigeon holing through the worm holes

but we're more like rats
living in the sewers, subways, small building and big

we're more like the bacteria than the trees
we're more like the cure than the disease

or can we simply say it with that type of ease
that we're a cancer
that we're a disease

because how can you just identify with the bad
it's like looking at the world
but only seeing the sad

sad
ness isn't just a character from some cartoon
it's loony toons how they can try to send us to a loony bin
but i've been to the moon and back and through the worm hole again

studying physics
a study of matter and energy through space and time
realizing that physics can't even begin to explain my mind

Shrodinger's cat is all i can think about
and how uncertain I am about anything that i deemed certain
because one will kill me
and 100 isn't enough

i've watched kids get snuffed while kids are doing snuff in the bathroom
and i'm just trying to do stuff
stay busy
keep my active mind occupied
but i feel like i'm supplied with such bull shit
such minutia
minute by minute
hour by hour
surrounded by the insane
the inane

man i gotta get out of this town
man i gotta get back on the train
man i gotta get back on the plain
i gottta get outta this town
i gotta get outta this place

this itch is coming back
but this itchy has no scratchy
it's like a flat tire with no patchy

listening to these rhymers
but they're just thinking of what's catchy
looking at these dogs thinking go fetch
go fetch me someone that can actually spit
not any of this weak ass fake thug bull shit

so i think fuck it i'll just quit
but to give up an art form for the haters
for the master debaters
is like giving up on life
for all the doubters

speaking softly because you can't hear me
over all the shouters

trying to be a man
but im surrounded by pouters
putting all there bull shit on me

fuck that shit
im just a human
im not your addiction
i'm nothing without you
but i'm not part of your equation
i'm not part of your addition
because to add me plus you
would just multiply your problems
and i love math
but damn i don't like long division
i like fission
and fusion
and the creation of something
from all the destruction

like a broken glass
i'm filled with entropy
but i'm done with begging and pleading
it's not quite surrender and it's not quite seceding
and i don't think it's quite succedding either
it's just being
being me
in this world
where i can live and breathe
and i can see
who i want to be

and i have all these haters
all these negative nancies
trying to bring me down
could i have been a dancing nancy
could i have been anyone other than me

i look up at the sky
but all i see is blandness
but i look up at the sky and i see
that out of the mundane
comes something profound
or is it profane
out of the inane
comes the insane
out of something
comes more

and i can be who i want to be
i can see who i want to see
some may say i'm sing songy
but i like this song and dance
cause it's a chance
to express some words
explore the absurd
where nobody understands shit
because to explore the absurd
is to explore this world
and to explore this world
we have to navigate through all these words
and all these worlds

but words can only say so much
too much
enough

the conclusion
is always delusion or seclusion

but the solution
is to be
whoever you want to be

Taking Action

February 15th (Daily Reflections)

Taking Action


Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

Making this promise has given me the ability to take the "right action." The promises will always materialize if I Work for them. Fantasizing about them, debating them, preaching about them and faking them just won't work. I'll remain a miserable, rationalizing person if i continue to do that.

By taking action, and working with time in all my affairs, I'll have a life beyond my wildest dreams.

(ADAPTED)

You Could Have Been Everything to Me

You probably think
I'm nothing without you
but you're nothing without me

because we are nothing
isn't that something?

that something didn't come from nothing
so something always existed

or you think when one man walked the earth
that's when the clock started

but when does the clock stop?
clock feels constant but always feels too quick

like I'm in quick sand
but I'm not afraid
well I'm not afraid of anyone
or anything
I'm just afraid of fear itself

cause there's nothing to fear but fear itself
right?

so I walk around
and I carry a big stick

and I realized that silence isn't the answer
and I realized that screaming isn't much better
while you're playing offense
I'm just standing here and you think I'm playing defense
but you're just so aggressive that you think
me stopping you from saying offensive shit is me being defensive
but it's not
it's me just being me

and my soul screams
and my body aches
and my mind wanders
my mind still wanders

like two wandering travelers wandering in the desert
like Arnold Palmer on a golf course just looking for a shot of whiskey
like a mustard seed, laying dormant without a sip

but the barrels are depleted
but I'll never feel defeated

It's a pity how I could wonder for an eternity about the ephemeral
I wonder if I was born in a different decade could I have been a general?
but not like Napoleon more like Alexander the Great
tough like Tyson, but living on a Holy Field

40 years
40 days
40 nights
40 minutes
40 hours

It doesn't matter
My mind still wanders
because if I was stuck here with you
I would wonder when an angel is going to save you
or would the angel save me?

I asked an angel in my dream
and she just stared back at me
and she fell backwards
and she told me I could live my life in prison

or I could be in jail
I could live my life like a slave
or I could just stand up and be brave

and I asked her again
and she stared at me

and then I woke up
cold sweat
with you next to me

if I was stuck here with you
I would wonder when I would be able to explode?

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does is dry up like a raisin in the sun?

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it stop
once you stopped the fun?
work hard, play harder?

is it all done
because
I am more

I am more cunning
a cunning linguist

a master debater

it's like I'm speaking with a gun in
my mouth
I'm frozen
it feels better biting down but
now the metal's breaking my teeth

I'm stuck here
I can't think

I can think
I'm stuck here in a rut
I'm stuck here physically

or I can escape
I can explode
because the only other option is to implode

and you choose to direct your anger towards me
I could choose to direct my anger inward
so I get depressed
but I'll never regress
I'll never continue to dig my own grave
so one day I stopped digging

because I'd rather try to do too much myself
then force it onto you

put it all on me
put it all on me

it's funny because sometimes my eyes are wide open
but I can't see

but I can always see
that I will be who I want to be

and that's just me
so can't you see

you can try to shut me off
but you can't

I've been burning a long time
burning like a candle

8 days a week
I love you

8 days a week
I hate you

I spit shit
I spit knowledge
not because I went to college
but because I've been around the block
once or twice
or at least ive been to the stop sign at the corner

been listening to 10 crack commandments since I was in 5th grade
back when people started questioning how I behave

and I wonder
with this wandering mind

will my mind be encapsulated?
will I just be a slave
stuck here embodied in my brain?

but not my mind
my mind is too active

because people will never stop questioning how I behave
but I stopped wondering about other people
because I'm always wondering about everybody else
because my mind still wanders

my mind still wonders
how come you're not here?

but I feel like you're everywhere
is it because I'm a romantic?
or is it because I'm pathetic?

I can't find a path out of here
How come you don't accept me for who I am
and I never wanted you for who you are
I wanted you for who I thought you would be

but I just couldn't see
that you and me
would never be

to be or not to be
that's not the question

I am therefore I think
I think therefore I am

I wonder how much got lost in translation?
because we try to translate Latin, Spanish and French into American

I mean English
but English is so weak
all we do is we tweak
and we twerk
and we tweet

and we listen to Eminem's Berzerk cause it's the best shit you ever heard
cause Eminem is a living legend, he knows he's a rap god
but I'm wondering what's good, what's bad

what evil,
what's evil
what's right
what's good?
what's God?

is God dead? I'm not Neitzche but i know some shit
and I know that I know nothing
but I'm not Socrates
but I'm busy thinking

I'm busy thinking
while you're busy playing on your phone
candy games, bejeweled, and all that other shit
tweeting, twerking, bezerking, status updates

cell phones, computers, TV screens
busy staring at boxes

Wasting your time while you're wondering when am I gonna come over?
busy thinking to yourself when are you gonna have a kid?

oh I wish I could be a kid again
well I guess you can be a kid forever
if you want you can be a baby
and never grow up
just not my baby
cause this is the way I act
I act the way I feel
and this is how I deal with my emotions

and we think that language can explain the world
we think that language can explain the love I had for that girl

but I was just a boy then
and I'm a man now
and they'll never really understand

they'll never really see
cause they'll just label me

a derelict, an asshole, too honest for my own good
cause I'm busy questioning why the world turns

trying not to get mixed up with the wrong people
trying not to think of that girl

like I could waste any more time
on this wasted world
with wasted people

wasting their potential
so I say fuck you

it is essential sometimes

I say fuck the world
or do I say fuck you to the world?

and you think I'm angry
but it's the only way I can deal with the pain

it's the only way I can remain sane
because if i thought about all the fucked up shit going on

you know how my mind wanders
and I would wonder
why the fuck am i here?
and i'm not a sceptic

i'm a realist and an optimist

so I sit here still
breathe in, breathe out
does a man screaming in an isolation chamber make a sound?

so if I lived or died
would it even matter?

all we are is dust in the wind
the world keeps turning
whether or not my light is burning

the world keeps turning
and I stop thinking
that I'm nothing without you
and you're nothing without me

and I realize that you were everything to me
and I am everything to you
but you are just too young too realize
and I'm too tired to fight

so I keep my crosshairs on what is in sight
I look for the good
I turn toward the light
cause if I stay bright

I can continue to fight

just not for you anymore

I only fight for me

so I'm sorry I can't be all that you wanted me to be

but maybe one day you'll see

you were too naive to be with me

and I was too far gone to give you what you needed

and you were too fucked up to give me what I wanted

so maybe we'll end up alone

or maybe we'll end up together

all I know is that I'll work hard

all I know is that I'll work harder

and my life will get better

who knows if I've been changed for the better
because I knew you I have been changed for good

and now it's almost breakfast
and I'm not thirsty anymore

I'm just looking for some grub
I'm just looking for some good food

and you'll never understand
that I'm satiated and unsatisfied

isn't it ironic?
don't you think?

you probably think I'm high

but I don't even smoke
because you will never understand what's going on in my mind
because I'm busy fucking around here
trying to define define
and you still think you know what's going on in my mind

www.writerhymesigoblind.blogspot.com

Staring at Boxes

Staring at Boxes
Wondering

Staring at Boxes
Wondering
am I more programmed than what's in front of me?

Staring at Boxes
Cell Phones
Computers
Monitors
All run by the same chip

Wondering
Am I more programmed than what's in front me?

Sometimes
I feel like a dog
but not a terrier
more like Pavlov's Dogs

or maybe
more like Animal Farm
staring
asking questions
of the hogs
and the pigs

Staring at Boxes
Cell Phones
Monitors
Computers
Television Sets
Flat screens
all these boxes

staring at all these squares

Wondering if
Wondering If I am more programmed than the moving objects in front of me

But I have a brain
If i only had a brain
I feel like a scarecrow
or was it the tin man?

I feel like I'll miss you most of all
Dorothy
Where did all the munchkins go?
Lions and Tigers, and Bears
Oh My
Oh me
Oh me, me mine
jamming like a Beatle

Staring at Movies, Music,
Moving waves
Moving letters
Moving objects on a screen
Numbers, Roman Numerals
but it's all Greek To me

Tweets, Twitters, Tweets
All these things twitters in front of me
I feel like a bird sometimes
but I just can't find the nest

Wondering
Am I more programmed than what's in front of me?
A silly box
connected with wires

But i just wanna be wireless
and free

but i'm busy staring at boxes
instead of the people right in front of me

how many selfies does it take to get to the top of the mountain?
how many tweets does it take to make a fire?

I feel like i'm stuck in the snow
stuck in the now
with no where to go

and I don't want to be staring at boxes anymore
I wanna see the light
I wanna go outside and make a fire

and they said
i could make a living staring at boxes

and Camus said
in the midst of Winter
I found within me an invincible summer

I think the groundhog was scared of his shadow
Oh no
Groundhog's day came and went
While I was watching men fight for a trophy
and they call it the SuperBowl
oh no
I wonder if we chose what we fear
I wonder if we listen to what we hear
in one ear and out the next
I wonder

Sitting here
staring at boxes
wondering if the blanket is going to keep you warm
zipping up my jacket
putting on a hat
going to face the storm
trying to change the world

but im just stuck
im just stuck here in the snow
wondering if i could leave her
i mean
wondering if i could leave here
where would i even go?

cause im just sitting here
stuck
waiting
staring at a window
staring at the snow.

Unreachable

I like to be unreachable
Untouchable
Untouchables

cause you can't hit a moving target
and "you have to be a man"

I like to let my cell phone die
cause when cell phones die
do they still dream?

Do androids dream of electric sheep?
Asked, Phillip K. Dick

Is it hip?
to ask questions like that
in 2014

cause in 2000
there was a Space Odyssey

and in 1984
there was big brother

and 2015 years ago
I would have been unreachable

I wonder what Socrates
Aristotle
Plato
Da Vinci

are doing now?

it's all Greek to me
but when in Rome...

What would you do?
Where is Michelangelo?
Oh no,
Where am I?

I'm unreachable
I guess my cell phones dead
but miraculously I am still alive

and it's just sitting in my pocket
but it's dead
oh no

I wonder what happened to it's head
I said
As I watched my cell phone
bleed
or is it bled?

And I saw the color red
cause red is the color of the sun with my eyes closed

I can still taste you
When I close my eyes

But I don't think I like the taste
you don't know how sick you make me?
you're so vain I bet you think this poem is about you
but it's not
cause it's all about me, myself and I
me, me, me
I'm so selfish and
you

you make me, so sick
you make me sick to my stomach
puke, but I'm not eminem

he's the man
and i reach into my pocket
and i pick out more
M&M's

and my cell phones still dead
I guess I didn't listen to what they said

unreachable
cause my cell phone's still dead
I guess I didn't hear what they said.

I like to be unreachable
untouchable
unacknowledged
unmanageable

I like to be this way
I like to be unhelpable
unflappable
unteachable
unmanageable

I like be underdeveloped
I like to be diagnosed
I like to be classified

I like to be unreachable
unteachable
untouchable
undiagnosed
unclassified

declassified
because my life is one big classification
I mean one big misclassification
I mean clarification
wait, let me clarify

I mean
I like it when my cell phones dead
even though they say its 2014
get with the times

but I read the new york times everyday
does that make me a better person
to get depressed before breakfast

but if my cell phones dead,
but but but
if's, and's and buts in my face

cause I'm just wondering
unwavering
waning, waxing, wilting
writing
building while one device is dead
creating while I'm unreachable

not able to be reached
not able to be touched

even though my cell phone is dead....
Why do I still feel so alive?

Open Letter to UPenn Administrators in the School of Engineering and Applied Science and College of Arts and Science and All

To The Penn Community:

It is never easy when someone you know passes away. It is extremely difficult and beyond my comprehension when a young woman with her whole life ahead of her commits suicide. I write this letter in the wake of Madison Holleran's tragic death but this letter is not about Madison and all the amazing things she accomplished, this letter is for the Penn Community and for all the students who have ever struggled with any type of mental health issues.

You know it is weird because people die everyday, and when you respond people tend to say just focus on yourself, make yourself a better person. Well, maybe we have to stop focusing on ourselves and maybe we have to recognize that there is a major problem. It is unfortunate that we are busy blaming the victims when we are not looking at the institutions. For example, the mental institutions and hospitals that are incapable of helping people with so called "mental illness." Or, the psychiatrists and doctors that believe that prescribing a pill will make things better. Or, the Universities that are "putting education first." Putting Education before Health is not part of any sustainable system in the 21st century.

I learned the hard way that Universities and Institutions do not care about student's feelings they just care about keeping their jobs and following protocol.

There is a known link between Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors (SSRI)-prescriptions and suicidal behaviors. SSRIs are the most commonly prescribed antidepressant. So sadly, the pill that doctors prescribe may lead to more hard than good. Unfortunately, the patient believes they are seeking help and the psychiatrist prescribes an SSRI. One of the most commonly prescribed medicines for depression for adolescents and college-aged students is Zoloft.

The student in seek of any type of help takes the pill and then they wonder why their feelings get worse and sadly, some people act on their feelings and end up committing suicide. The saddest part of suicide is that nearly every single person that survives a suicide attempt regrets trying. The amount of devastation that suicide can inflict on a community and a family can not be quantified. That is why facts and statistics are of little importance when it comes to the value of an individual's life.

Let's stop pretending like the problems do not exist.

Let's stop trying to put band-aids on bullet wounds.

Let's recognize that there is a major problem, and it is how institutions such as UPenn treat the so called "mentally ill."

How many deaths does it take to realize that there is something wrong with the system not the individual?

I know that millions of people die every year, countless people die everyday, but how many great people need to die for us to recognize that there is a problem?

Three undergrad students at UPenn have died since winter break. At least one of those is due to suicide and this is not the first UPenn undergrad to commit suicide.

When are we going to realize that we have to put health before the student body's education?

Let's stand up now and try to make a change, let's recognize that there is a problem, awareness is the first step and action is the second step, now that we are more than aware that there are problems on college campuses, specifically Ivy League campuses, specifically Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Cornell and University of Pennsylvania. With all of these problems, it makes it difficult to hurrah for the red and the blue. It makes it very difficult for me to proudly say that I am a Penn graduate. One of the most upsetting things in this world is recognizing that there is a problem and doing nothing to stop it.

Let's take action and work on what we can do to prevent the next suicide.

It is too bad UPenn Administrators are unable to recognize that there is an issue and are unable to affect change on any measurable scale. It is too bad Penn Administrators are unable to recognize that 18-25 year olds are left with major mental health problems that out-dated procedure and practcies are not going to fix. No amount of money, or part of the budget is going to fix the problem.

We need the right people in the right places at the right time. We need people who care, people who truly care. We need health care professionals that have some idea of the pressures of achieving at a top ranked school such as University of Pennsylvania. We need the entire staff to understand that mental health is not something to be stigmatized, and stereotyped. Depression is a real illness and those with depression need real help from people who understand mental health and mood disorders.

Suicide is never the answer. Medicine is only part of the solution, but talk therapy and the proper facilities and proper people must be in place to properly combat depression and other mood disorders.

Let's make a change, let's start today, let's stop blaming the victim and let's realize:
Change is Possible.

Let's wake up, and recognize that suicidal ideations are a part of life and let's stop living in denial and let's take action today. Let's work on prevention, let's work on saving people's lives as opposed to perpetuating the same old plan, keeping the same bureaucracy in place, that follows the same protocol that we've been using since the revolution or since the 1800s or since world war II or since the DSM-II. Let's start making some changes.

This is the 21st century and nearly every single person in America has faced symptoms of depression or at some point in their life will.

Maybe, we have to live rationally and not by the University Rule Book.

Let's wake up, let's start making some changes today.

Let's recognize that the future, the smartest individual in the country tomorrow is some kid struggling on a college campus right now.

Some kid that is contemplating whether or not living his life is worth living is going to change the world one day. You know "kids these days".. While some of us have various priorities, many of us are trying to make the world a better place, and most of are just hoping for a better tomorrow. We can make the world a better place, together.

Let's do what we can now to stop the next student from committing suicide tomorrow or later today. We all know that we have to stop problems upstream, so let's work on rational intervention and prevention. Let's make a plan.

Step One - Let's recognize that Health and more specifically mental health is the most important aspect of a student's life and education. For all the staff that are not capable of understanding the importance of mental health they should take sensitivity training.

For now let's just work on step one.

Let's place Health before Education. Let's start changing the way we think - so we can change the way we act - so we can work towards saving someone's life.

Let's stop blaming the victim and let's start creating rational plans for prevention.

Let's start right now. Let's try to understand that if our mental health is not intact then students will not be mentally prepared to learn.

Let's learn to put health first. Let's learn together as one community made up of many individuals. Let's recognize that some of the individuals who make up this community are suffering from mental health issues. Let's remember that a team is only as stong as it's weakest link, so let's drop our egos and let's live for a better tomorrow, let's make this the last student to commit suicide due to the pressures of being a high achiever and perfectionist at University of Pennsylvania.

Let's learn to change as individuals, but let's do it together as one strong Penn Community.

Let's proudly say Hurrah for the Red and Blue!

Let's evolve. Let's change. Let's adapt with the times. Let's allow recent alumni to proudly say they are Penn graduates as many great individuals have said in the past.

Let's learn from the past so we can take steps towards a more understanding and brighter future.

Penn Alum
SEAS 2012

Know When It's Enough for Now

Take care of what needs to be done

Stay in shape
Be active

S  T  R  E  T  C  H

Stay healthy

Cleanliness is next to godliness

Try new things
Learn

Listen and play music

Read and write

Feel productive
Be productive

Make plans

Be nice

Sleep
Drink water
Eat and make food

Have fun
Think but not too much

Stay balanced

Enjoy

Do what you gotta do but know when it's enough for now

What? I want

What? I want

New note
New idea

Is that what I want
Is what? What I want

I think
If I think
And write down what I'm thinking
It'll make me feel as if my feelings are being expressed
Being felt

But what goes through my mind
Mostly nonsense
Nonsensical things
You can say a lot and not say much
You can say
How your day was and about this person you met
Complain about this
Until you go insane
But maybe it keeps you sane to talk about the inane because what really matters in the grand scheme of all this
You live and you die in the blink of an eye
Just a fleeting moment that means so much in the moment
Get a job and grow old
Hope you can tell people what you wanted to be told

Or maybe that's what some need
Feel a struggle or frustration
To share
So you can bond
Even if it's based on negativity or naïveté