You Could Have Been Everything to Me

You probably think
I'm nothing without you
but you're nothing without me

because we are nothing
isn't that something?

that something didn't come from nothing
so something always existed

or you think when one man walked the earth
that's when the clock started

but when does the clock stop?
clock feels constant but always feels too quick

like I'm in quick sand
but I'm not afraid
well I'm not afraid of anyone
or anything
I'm just afraid of fear itself

cause there's nothing to fear but fear itself
right?

so I walk around
and I carry a big stick

and I realized that silence isn't the answer
and I realized that screaming isn't much better
while you're playing offense
I'm just standing here and you think I'm playing defense
but you're just so aggressive that you think
me stopping you from saying offensive shit is me being defensive
but it's not
it's me just being me

and my soul screams
and my body aches
and my mind wanders
my mind still wanders

like two wandering travelers wandering in the desert
like Arnold Palmer on a golf course just looking for a shot of whiskey
like a mustard seed, laying dormant without a sip

but the barrels are depleted
but I'll never feel defeated

It's a pity how I could wonder for an eternity about the ephemeral
I wonder if I was born in a different decade could I have been a general?
but not like Napoleon more like Alexander the Great
tough like Tyson, but living on a Holy Field

40 years
40 days
40 nights
40 minutes
40 hours

It doesn't matter
My mind still wanders
because if I was stuck here with you
I would wonder when an angel is going to save you
or would the angel save me?

I asked an angel in my dream
and she just stared back at me
and she fell backwards
and she told me I could live my life in prison

or I could be in jail
I could live my life like a slave
or I could just stand up and be brave

and I asked her again
and she stared at me

and then I woke up
cold sweat
with you next to me

if I was stuck here with you
I would wonder when I would be able to explode?

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does is dry up like a raisin in the sun?

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it stop
once you stopped the fun?
work hard, play harder?

is it all done
because
I am more

I am more cunning
a cunning linguist

a master debater

it's like I'm speaking with a gun in
my mouth
I'm frozen
it feels better biting down but
now the metal's breaking my teeth

I'm stuck here
I can't think

I can think
I'm stuck here in a rut
I'm stuck here physically

or I can escape
I can explode
because the only other option is to implode

and you choose to direct your anger towards me
I could choose to direct my anger inward
so I get depressed
but I'll never regress
I'll never continue to dig my own grave
so one day I stopped digging

because I'd rather try to do too much myself
then force it onto you

put it all on me
put it all on me

it's funny because sometimes my eyes are wide open
but I can't see

but I can always see
that I will be who I want to be

and that's just me
so can't you see

you can try to shut me off
but you can't

I've been burning a long time
burning like a candle

8 days a week
I love you

8 days a week
I hate you

I spit shit
I spit knowledge
not because I went to college
but because I've been around the block
once or twice
or at least ive been to the stop sign at the corner

been listening to 10 crack commandments since I was in 5th grade
back when people started questioning how I behave

and I wonder
with this wandering mind

will my mind be encapsulated?
will I just be a slave
stuck here embodied in my brain?

but not my mind
my mind is too active

because people will never stop questioning how I behave
but I stopped wondering about other people
because I'm always wondering about everybody else
because my mind still wanders

my mind still wonders
how come you're not here?

but I feel like you're everywhere
is it because I'm a romantic?
or is it because I'm pathetic?

I can't find a path out of here
How come you don't accept me for who I am
and I never wanted you for who you are
I wanted you for who I thought you would be

but I just couldn't see
that you and me
would never be

to be or not to be
that's not the question

I am therefore I think
I think therefore I am

I wonder how much got lost in translation?
because we try to translate Latin, Spanish and French into American

I mean English
but English is so weak
all we do is we tweak
and we twerk
and we tweet

and we listen to Eminem's Berzerk cause it's the best shit you ever heard
cause Eminem is a living legend, he knows he's a rap god
but I'm wondering what's good, what's bad

what evil,
what's evil
what's right
what's good?
what's God?

is God dead? I'm not Neitzche but i know some shit
and I know that I know nothing
but I'm not Socrates
but I'm busy thinking

I'm busy thinking
while you're busy playing on your phone
candy games, bejeweled, and all that other shit
tweeting, twerking, bezerking, status updates

cell phones, computers, TV screens
busy staring at boxes

Wasting your time while you're wondering when am I gonna come over?
busy thinking to yourself when are you gonna have a kid?

oh I wish I could be a kid again
well I guess you can be a kid forever
if you want you can be a baby
and never grow up
just not my baby
cause this is the way I act
I act the way I feel
and this is how I deal with my emotions

and we think that language can explain the world
we think that language can explain the love I had for that girl

but I was just a boy then
and I'm a man now
and they'll never really understand

they'll never really see
cause they'll just label me

a derelict, an asshole, too honest for my own good
cause I'm busy questioning why the world turns

trying not to get mixed up with the wrong people
trying not to think of that girl

like I could waste any more time
on this wasted world
with wasted people

wasting their potential
so I say fuck you

it is essential sometimes

I say fuck the world
or do I say fuck you to the world?

and you think I'm angry
but it's the only way I can deal with the pain

it's the only way I can remain sane
because if i thought about all the fucked up shit going on

you know how my mind wanders
and I would wonder
why the fuck am i here?
and i'm not a sceptic

i'm a realist and an optimist

so I sit here still
breathe in, breathe out
does a man screaming in an isolation chamber make a sound?

so if I lived or died
would it even matter?

all we are is dust in the wind
the world keeps turning
whether or not my light is burning

the world keeps turning
and I stop thinking
that I'm nothing without you
and you're nothing without me

and I realize that you were everything to me
and I am everything to you
but you are just too young too realize
and I'm too tired to fight

so I keep my crosshairs on what is in sight
I look for the good
I turn toward the light
cause if I stay bright

I can continue to fight

just not for you anymore

I only fight for me

so I'm sorry I can't be all that you wanted me to be

but maybe one day you'll see

you were too naive to be with me

and I was too far gone to give you what you needed

and you were too fucked up to give me what I wanted

so maybe we'll end up alone

or maybe we'll end up together

all I know is that I'll work hard

all I know is that I'll work harder

and my life will get better

who knows if I've been changed for the better
because I knew you I have been changed for good

and now it's almost breakfast
and I'm not thirsty anymore

I'm just looking for some grub
I'm just looking for some good food

and you'll never understand
that I'm satiated and unsatisfied

isn't it ironic?
don't you think?

you probably think I'm high

but I don't even smoke
because you will never understand what's going on in my mind
because I'm busy fucking around here
trying to define define
and you still think you know what's going on in my mind

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